I continued to press into the word, searching like a starving person looking for a morsel of bread or meat. I needed an answer! It came without me seeing it but through an event. I was trusting God to save me from a continuing fiery trial in my life. It was so difficult that just getting up to go to work made me want to throw-up.
After what seemed an eternity of wrestling, I completely caved into my selfish feelings and turned on God. I blamed Him for having built up all this belief in His great ability to save me from my problems. I accused Him of not caring and that He was not at all what he had been trumped-up to be! I told Him if what I was experiencing was too difficult for Him to fix, I didn’t need Him. I felt He had lied and short-changed me. I shouted at Him “You’re some lousy God if you can’t change this one small issue in my life”. “I’m out of here, forget you!”.